Відео

I think that text he sent proves you right, B. Obviously we don't know all the details of why he sent it, but it's very likely that it's related to all of this really being too fresh for them to have gone on social media to talk about it as much as they did. They realized they needed to be more private about it. Or at the very least, they decided they talked as much as they should have and are stopping now (but I think you were right, B, and it was already probably too much). Not trying to bash them at all! They made the decisions they made in the moment of their own free will, and that's fine. But I think offering your opinion on it being too fresh is a wise thing to do in case others are going through something similar and have the opportunity to either be really public with something so fresh or to keep it private.

Is it just me or did his long rant that boiled down to "I'm gonna keep my marriage vows" sound like he doesn't want to be with her anymore? Either that, or he wants to find something grounding now that he's lost his faith (my own promise can bind me even if morality doesn't exist), which gives him comfort? I hope it's the latter cuz the former would be sad.

OOF. No wonder Bethany is crying so much in these. It sounds like Dav is really thinking through all his options, including divorce. So strange his main reason for staying isn’t that he loves her and wouldn’t want to hurt her or their family. Just that he previously made a promise to her. This really is a testament to marrying somebody you enjoy being around, and truly getting to know them BEFORE you tie the knot. Fundie marriage sounds like a nightmare.

I don't remember exactly which Christian religion has the specific goal of getting as many generations into "leadership" as possible in political life and abolishing the separation of religion and state.... I have a bit of a feeling that he is one among them....

Thank you for covering this. I wanted to watch the interview myself, but the bad audio quality discouraged me, especially because English is not my first language. It also annoys me when Bethany uses “like” every two words, sometimes it’s very hard for me to comprehend what she’s trying to say lol

Does anyone else think about those rumors of him going to a conversion camp? I do. And I wonder if he’s eventually going to leave Bethany and start living his most authentic life at some point….

God I really hope Dave is more open-minded and continues to stay nuanced in this conversation, and doesn’t do a complete 180 to the other side and becomes so anti religious that it’s just as insufferable as fundamentalism.

She owes god is gray and apology, especially now

Basically, she had labeled her past as “living in sin”, so it’s ALL just one lump of sin. She has labeled her “now life” as “living in Christ.” And, Jordan is her symbol of “living in Christ.” So, Jordan’s support has EVERYTHING to do with the image of herself that she wants projected into the world. Even tho we see through the bs.. so many others don’t want to see, bc they see themselves in her. They want the American Dream like she has.

EXACTLY they’re taking New Age Spirituality on as their own.. just like Christians have done to Pagans for Centuries!

1:09:17 i think Dav is just exploring what morality looks like through other peoples experiences, its not necessarily that he struggles to understand that people can have morals without religion. He was also questioning how religion impacts people's world views and decision making, i feel like he was just flipping that curiosity onto nonreligious people.

I think what Dav is talking about here (and this is just me working through it so dont take this as a true interpretation pls) is that there is a difference for him between compulsary Christian commitment in a marriage vs. the freedom he now experiences in his ability to choose commitment. I feel like if youre looking at it like a man questioning his marriage it'll feel icky, but if you consider that he is a man questioning his faith and that his marriage was built on faith that makes a difference.

She for real took all of her guilt/shame from scamming people with her “custom workouts”.. and dumped it into becoming an extreme puritan.. and is further projecting her guilt/shame onto others.. it’s definitely a case study situation.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience.. that’s 100% New Age Spirituality.. that’s NOT Christianity. In Christianity they believe that humans are created in Gods image. These people are so narcissistic and have taken bits and pieces of other religions and spiritual practices and woven them into their own distorted narrative. They get away with their behavior by harnessing this diabolical “Christian” energy that is so full of superiority and conviction.. it’s soul shaking.

I don't know if you will read this B, but I've been nervous to watch your response bc I was worried about how I might feel with respect to criticisms you might have of this convo between Zelph and Dav and Bethany. I found it really healing to see this growth in Bethany and to see Zelph modeling tolerance for religious folk. However, your critiques have been so well put and respectful that I haven't felt any discomfort so far. The reason for my sensitivity to begin with is religious trauma, and you've been one of the only religious people I know of who live their faith without projecting it into others such as myself, so thank you! Thank you for being a safe person. With respect to why Sam and Tanner might have this soft spot for Bethany, I don't think it's just bc she's been nice. I think its bc Sam and Tanner, like myself, found themselves exiting mormonism the same route that Bethany has been gradually becoming less fundamental. I at one point was saying the exact same things as Bethany with respect to focusing on Christ. When I was almost out, my faith had been whittled down to nothing but Jesus and eventually, that concept just became love. And from there, I didn't need a god anymore. I just wanted to love others and be loved. I think Sam, Tanner, and myself see ourselves in Bethany, and while I think she's treading water to stay with her in group, I do think she's on her way towards where we all landed. I know you can't assume that everyone will have the same path, but I think under certain conditions, the logical conclusions will be the same. Her relationship with God previously was like many of us experienced in mormonism, so the conditions are very similar for a similar result. Idk if that makes sense. I'm not saying our softness is correct, but I think that's the root of it if that helps.

Not sure if I'm reading into this or not, but Bethany's body language in P2 is facing away from Tanner and Sam. The first video she was facing them both, but leaning on Dav, this one she's completely turned away. Just feels off to me.

Idk, I felt kind of bad for Bethany in this video, especially the whole pontification about leaving or staying with Bethany that David went off into. It came off really self-centered, not really taking into consideration how hard that is for her to hear. Idk, maybe they've already had that conversation in private, but if that was the first time she was hearing it then that would be inconsiderate All I know is that if I heard my partner say that he felt like to be truly free he needed the agency to be able to leave me I'd be pretty heart broken

At 50:00 ish, when Dave got philosophical, I took that as him struggling with issues around being avoidant. Namely that he felt trapped by the fact that he had made a decision to commit himself and that it was freaking him out a bit even if he did want to be married to her. Basically, 'Am I just staying married because I feel like I have to? Or am I staying married because I choose to love this person and want to be with them?' Its something that really resonated with me as an anxious person with an avoidant attachment style who has also been married for 12 years. I know it doesn't make a whole lot of sense but your brain can really freak you out about being pinned down sometimes. I also really appreciated what he ends up saying, which is that he is recognizing that those thoughts aren't really helpful or even meaningful because he doesn't want to leave, he's just being scared. So instead, he's been telling those intrusive thoughts that say 'You're just doing this because you have to', 'I'm choosing to be in this relationship with my partner because I love them.' Also, I have donated to Zelph and even through Sam's personal venmo. No one made me. I wanted to do it because I really felt like I've gotten alot from their channel and I saw it like a tip. I get that everyone has their thoughts on this but as someone who has donated to them, I kinda don't see why its anyone's business.

Win for the day: this video to get me thru the short work week 🎉

Dave sounds like he’s struggling with the inherent compromise that exists in marriage-not even the daily compromises between spouses but the compromise between “freedom” and “commitment.” Commitment to one person for life inherently involves sacrifice and compromise . If nothing else, you’re sacrificing the “freedom to leave” as he’s pointing out. You have to choose between complete freedom to follow your desires over anyone else’s and having a deep intimate partnership where you both have to give up some things in the pursuit of each others happiness. He’s not wrong in what he’s pointing out, but it’s interesting and a bit concerning that he seems to just be realizing that at the same time that he’s deconstructing. It seems like something both of them should’ve understood before deciding to get married. Marriage isn’t the end of freedom but it does limit some of your choices, and if you’re not happy with that concept it’s probably better to stay single

i also will say, if you have a giant tax bill, that means you made a lot...

The talk about him not leaving because he'd be breaking a promise is weird. It should be about a lot more than that. It sounds like an obligation.

Yes I agree. Her comment about the LGBTQ+ community was one thing but she ten resorted back to but I think you can only thrive in a marriage between one man and woman. Not if you are hetero. I hope she keeps going further and recognising those beliefs are harmful and reductive. She has come a long way which is great and I am glad her marriage is good but there is more unpack.

Bad faith? B Haney? I think not.

Man…my heart hurts for Bethany. As a Christian myself, (though far from a “traditional” Christian) I believe that I would struggle immensely if I was in her place. She entered into a marriage with a particular vision and that vision has now “crumbled.” She’s said and has supported some pretty terrible things but my heart goes out to her on a basic human being level.

My WFTW - got the kayaks out for the first time this year! The part in the middle where Dav was talking about choosing to stay, maybe I'm confused about the point he was making too, but I wouldn't want to stay on those terms. "I choose you every day and I have the right to leave at any time." I mean, I guess you do, but I wouldnt want to live in the long term position of well, my spouse chose me today but what if he doesn't tomorrow. I feel like that puts the other spouse in the position of always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Is today the day he leaves? It sounds awful! I think its fair for their relationship to experience some changes while they work out these things, and it probably would be better if they took a media break and worked it out mostly off camera. I guess its a good thing to consider every so often if the life you're living is the life you want. But "I have the right to leave," feels very ... self-centered maybe? I hope its temporary that he holds his family in limbo like that while he works through his stuff.

Sam's response was really snarky. I'm not a fan.

Dave is a reminder for me that even though someone may be pulling back or questioning their evangelical christian faith, they can still be oddly conservative and off-putting. There's something about him that rubs me the wrong way and I don't even know if I could describe or even identify it.

🙄 in recounting Seven Brides for Seven Brothers she skips how they kidnapped 6 women and used the Bible to justify it 🤦🏼‍♀️

I struggle with what Bethany is saying here about her older faith mentor encouraged her to explore and lean into her partners deconstruction and stating ‘this has been encouraging and helpful’ because Bethany shares advice on GD that’s completely opposite and harmful. Kind of getting ‘rules for thee and not for me’ from Bethany. I hope that she reflects on this and takes down those videos telling girls not to date men of different faith.

On one hand, it’s positive to sit down with people of differing views. On the other hand, this seems pretty one sided and I wonder what would’ve happened if Sam and Tanner were speaking their minds, too…or did I miss something? It gets pretty dull not having a reciprocal conversation AND not having challenging questions you’d expect from a journalist…so it ends up being a bit boring…

Thanks B! I hope you take the time to watch some other zelph videos at some point ❤

Win for the week: I had three host shifts and one floater shift this week at work, so I got a lot of hours compared to my deep cleaning shifts, and now that it's the weekend I actually have the motivation to clean my own house. My kitchen is starting to look amazing.

Eww a bunch of jealous and gossipy women in this comment section. I shouldn’t be surprised considering this content creator only seems to enjoy tearing others down in order to build herself up. Why not create original content yourself that isn’t bashing others? Toxic environment for sure and I’ll be blocking this channel, what a waste of time.

The comment back from Zelph seemed very defensive and I really feel like you said everything very respectfully in the first video. The new trend of doing trips with influencers is very predatory in my opinion and I think you had a very fair perspective on that. I also have a small business and step #1 is setting up a separate account - I think it’s fine to have people send you money but to pretend you are helping others with money that is paid personally to you seems sketchy, in particular if they admit that they do not want to be a nonprofit. If you are just asking people to pay your rent just say that instead of implying you are a business? I thought your response to them overall was very fair and it seems like she took things personally and was not able to think about things from an outside perspective.

Thank you for this commentary, it feels a bit weird to watch this video because it feels like something very personal about their relationship that shouldnt be on the internet. It feels like they're not on the same page at all; Bethany seems to be clinging to the relationship because of her deep feelings of love and Dav seems to be clinging to it because of his commitment. Another thing that stood out to me was how Bethany was saying her love for Dav was not a choice, but somehow she isn't able to see that queer identity is not a choice. All around it seems like such a strange video. I really wish Dav and Bethany would take more time away from the internet and both examine their wants and needs in this relationship without airing it online.

All four of these individuals are so incredibly annoying lol. I'm so grateful for your reactions to these videos because it helps keep me sane haha

55:58 I can not with him. I think he’s being a complete ass with this logic.

I was not expecting that ending (with the text). That’s so weird to me and I’d love more info. Thank you for continuing to comment on and keep us up to date on this collab. I find it hard to watch Zelph and Girl Defined, so this is my only viewing of either.

My win for the week is that I finished revising a first draft of a story I’ve been writing.

I’ve only seen a few of your videos since going into eating disorder treatment 3+ months ago (shoutout to the awesome souls in these comment sections who happened to see my WFTW on those few videos when I shared them, as they related to treatment and food exposure challenges!), but I am SO behind on EVERYTHING, it felt daunting to try to catch up. That said, I got home last weekend, and decided to start going through 12 weeks of missed content, and decided to just go to your channel first because I love your heart, compassion, conviction for many things (just to clarify, POSITIVE convictions/beliefs), ability to hold space for nuance and a lot of this stuff while also holding onto your own faith, and I’d rather watch yours than try to go through all videos of all creators I watch in this sphere. You’re awesome, dude. 👏🏼🫶🏻💕🖖🏼

Having a mixed faith marriage doesn't mean that the non believing spouse will inevitably completely disengage and disrespect their believing spouse's religion. Dav wants to support Bethy and his children's faith journies. He IS supporting them. There is absolutely no reason to suggest that one day he will abandon them like that.

💯 adultery is not the only reason for divorce. Abuse (physical and mental) run rampant in the church. The abused are shamed by fellow believers and pastors, into remaining married regardless of the severity of the abuse. This should NEVER be!!

Puttshack is super fun! There’s one in Nashville and we just went for the first time last weekend.

I agree with other commenters that it kinda feels like ZotS took advantage of their interfaith relationship when it was fresh and vulnerable. Perhaps it would have been more helpful to have kept this convo private between the four of them instead of turning it into content for monetization.

Critical thinking and being allowed to question and doubt probably feels revolutionary to Dav and Bethany. Bethany's parents are more public than Dav's, but assuming they have similar backgrounds, their minds are blown by concepts most of us were allowed to explore at younger ages.

Wow I am really struggling to following this conversation. Not sure if I keep just zoning out or what but I can't seem to make sense of any of the sentences. Like I am hearing words but struggling to hold onto them and having to put in a lot of cognitive effort to extract meaning from the words. Any time Bea speaks it's like I suddenly become aware again that I am still listening, but I've got no idea what I just heard being said. I don't think Dave or Bethany have been able to solidify their thoughts or beliefs in this area enough yet to be having this conversation on camera. I think there is space for content where someone is thinking out loud and figuring it out as they go, but this particular style of interview content with these particular people (I don't think) is it.

If the only reason my spouse stayed with me was because they felt committed by a promise - with all due respect - I would rather they not stay. I want someone committed to me, not to a concept or to a label or to a promise. I want to be with a person because I love them and choose them even with the option of leaving.

I think the weird speech on freedom was basically him saying that he is beholden to Beth and her wishes to some degree - all relationships require some sort of sacrifice and compromise. My guess is, if he actually is totally getting away from any form of Christianity, he’s working through aaaaall the restrictions that it put on him and the immediate response when seeing this and also experiencing the anxiety (or at least the discomfort we all feel) reagarding where their future is headed (how much he will have to compromise, what Beth will “demand” of him, how much freedom to be who he truly is he will lose) is to simply drop it all and go off on his own (basically fleeing the discomfort of his identity being in flux snd what this means for their relationship). The interesting thing is, I see his preoccupation with keeping a promise (over his effect on Beth’s life and happiness) as a very Christian thing - he made a sacred vow that he has contemplated breaking for his own benefit XD It is kinda jarring on the tail of Beth being so open and vulnerable about the anxiety SHE feels for their future because to me it feels like Dave being kinda closed off about it, talking more about his freedom than the uncertainty. 🤷‍♀

My Win for the Week: I've been really struggling with my weight gain since I broke my leg on May 3rd. I was about to get cleared by my doctor to walk and then I fell and rebroke my leg, leading to an extra 8 weeks off work and sitting on my ass. That all to say that I've been super vigilant about weight and women's bodies since I've been so frustrated with my situation. But this is my first video watching since B announced her pregnancy and I see such a healthy and happy person, regardless of whether she's gaining weight. Just seeing her happy and healthy and focusing on her work reminded me how much I'm aware of the wrong things. B looks amazing and remains professional and I feel inspired to recalibrate my attention and focus on returning to work. I'm sorry that this seems like a focus on women's bodies, but that's been my headspace since I've been gaining weight. But every woman I watch on UA-cam has encouraged me to focus on my passion and profession. And my win is the feeling of peace I get seeing beautiful women doing their job and pursuing their passion and not focusing or addressing weight. I know that sounds hypocritical since I am the one bringing it up. But I've been struggling, and B's newest video added to the material that helped fight my negative self perception. I hope this reads more positive than it looks written down. I mean nothing but love for B and thankful for her input.